Bulk Buy 2024

It's rare that I buy a lot of clothes all at once.

My usual modus operandi is to save up some money and then buy a single item of expensive clothing. Preferably something on the science fiction end of the spectrum.

This summer was different. For some reason, I just thought to myself, "Self, you gotta get your stuff into a bit better shape." And that self-talk led to my first e-commerce multi-item splurge.

My typical slow-and-steady-wins-the-race approach means I spend my time researching rather than purchasing. And so, since I had a pretty good idea about a few things, I ended up hopping online – and ordering shit.

First things first, here's a mini-review of online shopping:

I'm not even joking. I'm going to return to this shortly but, for now, it's totally fair game to wonder just how different online stores are from each other. Excuse me, I mean online experiences.

Anyway, I knew what things I needed and wanted. New jeans, new T-shirts, new briefs, some socks, and a pair of slip-ons. I thought, this is gonna be easy – except for the briefs, because the last time I re-upped my undies, I tried these and their "feature" actually posed some problems for me. Problems meaning it cut and chafed. Not a fan of that!

With my list in hand, I threw down. For all of it. And, here's a pretty great thing: this stuff arrived fast. Like, in-a-few-days fast. I didn't pay extra, either. If all online clothes shopping is like this, then it's great.

With so many parcels arriving at once, I thought I'd share the fun. So, in the grand tradition of unboxing videos, here's an unboxing ... series-of-stills.

Shirts from UNIQLO

Three black shirts and two white ones. They're the "Super Non-Iron" ones. I like the way the fabric feels. There are no metal pins and the little plastic clips are cleverly deployed to be an absolute minimum number. They come with a few extra buttons and some collar stays, which are clear and easily lost. The collars don't need them – yet. I need to lose some weight.

Old Navy T-shirts, socks, footies, undies, and jeans

The undies are great! They're like ladies', but boxer briefs. No extra stuff that isn't actually a feature.

Ankle socks are a departure for me. All right during the summer but, as I write this in the cool afternoon of the late fall, I can't even.

T-shirts I already knew about. They're heavy enough without being outerwear.

The jeans work for me. Narrow legs. And elasticated fabric because I'm getting old.

Apparently I shop at Old Navy now.

Superstar sneaks

VANS slip-ons

Finally, some slip-ons. For me, there are no others. Black mids and uppers. No customizations. What would I even improve upon? I wear 'em around the house!

All of this unboxing resulted in way less garbage than I expected.

I haven't forgotten. Online shops are all the same. They differ only in detail and execution. Essentially, they offer a menu, a filtering utility, and a grid of photos. Depending on how they market and what place they occupy in the retail world, it's the photography and graphic design (logo, typography, and colour) that makes any of them distinct. The ones that are actually appealing and nice to use are UNIQLO, Adidas, and VANS. Old Navy kind of underwhelms because it's so middle-of-the-road. But I still spent money there because I know it hasn't changed since the last pair of jeans I bought.

I get that online shopping, just like walking into a brick-and-mortar store, can only be so different from one place to the next. But if it's distinction and experience that could set one apart from another, then Web 4.0 can't come soon enough to shake these things up.

I'm glad I did this. And I'm thinking that this coming year I might even buy some things from people from the future.